Hunter Moon Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Tearing through the bitter cold in the dead of night should have been scary. The full moon shone down on us from a cloudless sky. It threw shadows off the tall pines, birches and oaks. The air was frigid. Too cold for this time of year. It made streaming clouds of my breath as I ran through the woods.

An enormous black Wolf to the left of me pulled his mouth back, revealing long sharp canines. He loosed a short howl from deep in his throat and plunged ahead. A few inches to his right and he could have easily taken me down. Of that I have no doubt. Still, I was not afraid. I was exhilarated.

We ran for about fifteen or twenty miles. It was difficult for me to tell as I hurried to keep up with the rest of the pack. The scenery sped wildly by, but I was much too aware of everything not to notice.

I flew past the towering walnut trees and bare forsythias that seemed to grow everywhere in this part of Northern New Jersey. My large forepaws pounded the earth as I launched myself over fallen branches and dried out shrubs. Thick roots and decaying branches crisscrossed over the rock strewn floor. This forest was ancient and heavy with memories. I could feel them on the periphery of my consciousness.

The smells of the woods mixed with that of my companions filled my sensitive nostrils. It sounds strange, I know, and I am not sure if there is anything in the world that can describe it, but I could easily make out each distinct member of our party by scent alone.

If I really concentrated, I could smell things in the cold forest I would rather not think about. Like animal scat and urine. Rot and mold. Decaying carcasses of bugs and small animals under the leaves and frost.

Not to mention the hunger, fear, and pure joy that animals felt in ways humans could never understand. All of these emotions had their own scent and I was taking them all in. One breath at a time.

I shifted my focus to my ears and was immediately deafened by all the noise. The beating of my heart and those around me sounded like drums in a marching band. A not so good marching band. Like at school.

Our breathing, the sounds we made as we ran, the scurrying of small animals trying desperately to avoid us, the hoot of an owl as it clung to a tall tree overhead. All these things screamed in my ears. Each unique and so very loud.

So many different sights, smells and sounds to differentiate within microseconds. Maybe at another time I would have felt overwhelmed, even bewildered. But things were different now. I was different.

I’m not sure how to explain it. It wasn’t exactly as if time had slowed down. It was more like I was in every moment. Something I had never experienced before. It wasn’t even possible before.

Somehow I was able to keep track of everything and compartmentalize the sounds, sights, and smells in my brain. Good thing too because I had no idea where we were going. I blindly followed the pack. Too focused on everything and everyone around me to be worried about something as ordinary as our destination.

My gaze landed on Ronan. He was ahead of me by a body length. I could make out every single strand of his red and gold fur. His coat glowed like fire when the moonlight hit it. Gorgeous. I wished I had hands to run through it.

He moved on four legs with the same beautiful grace that he did on two. I’ll admit I often found myself just watching him. At school or when we jogged or sparred together. He was strong, fast and agile. But more than that. He was elegant for someone so tall and muscular.

I wondered if I moved like that too. Was I graceful and competent? I didn’t used to be. But everything was different now. He turned his long lupine head toward me. His green eyes burning in the darkness. I snorted at him and he yipped. He was checking on me as he had done several times since we set off. I didn’t resent it as much as I pretended too.

It was the first time I’d run as a Wolf in the company of others. In fact I’d never seen a pack before. Even a small pack as this one was. It was all new. I didn’t know what to expect. I had googled wolves after my change, to kind of get a feel for what I am. It didn’t exactly help, but I found out some interesting things. Like, for example, I knew I was much, much larger than a wild grey wolf. Easily double the size.

Seeing the others before me made me realize I was, if anything, average sized for my kind. My fur was a dark brownish color and I had a platinum streak running down my muzzle. It matched the one in my hair. I woke up after my first change with it. I guess I’m almost used to it. Well, at least I don’t jump every time I see my reflection anymore.

On my wolf the streak was more gold than white. I knew what my Wolf looked like. I’ve seen her in my mind’s eye, when she speaks to me. She has her own voice, but still she is me. I knew the form I took now from my pointed ears right down to the tip of my furry tail. I was stronger, faster, and a lot more lethal like this. I think I might even weigh more as a Wolf than I do as a girl.

My appetite has certainly increased. I’m thinking it must have more to do with my Wolf side since I haven’t gained all that much weight. The pounds I’ve put on when I’m human seem to be mostly muscle anyway. I am totally good with that since I looked a little like a string bean before.

You know what I mean. Tall, flat chested, thin. Not exactly every teenage girls’ dream body. I looked different now. Fuller, I guess. Healthier too. Werewolves loved exercise and eating. I was no exception.

We also loved hunting which is why we were out now. The full moon hung low in the sky. Huge and golden it touched me with its light. I felt complete under it. And strong. The night air was thick with its power.

I used to always think of darkness when I thought of the night. But not now. The true light of the moon and the stars is always present, but we can only see it in the darkest night. That’s something my Uncle Sean told me. He was right. It was incredible. Especially through these eyes.

I looked ahead and saw Uncle Sean’s huge shaggy blonde Wolf. He ran directly behind his father, Rolf. Uncle Sean was larger than the all of the rest of us except for my grandfather.

Rolf was a massive white Wolf with steel gray eyes and an unmistakable air of dominance. He led the hunt. Uncle Sean had advised me before we changed that this is the way it is done.

Werewolves are pretty serious about their pecking order. Alpha’s tended to get snooty if anyone ran in front of them. It was in their nature to be first, to lead, to guard the pack from whatever may lie ahead.

I ran somewhere near the back of our party. I wondered what that meant for me in the greater scheme of things. Guess I’m pretty low on the dominance list. That was just fine with me.

The other Werewolves spent a few minutes snapping and growling before order was established at the beginning of our journey. It stopped when Rolf arrived. One look from my grandfather and the Wolves fell into place.

Ronan stayed near me and kept tabs throughout our run. I felt safe when he was near. There were four large Werewolves that flanked our party on all sides. One was the black Wolf who liked to show off his fangs, two more were gray and another was a honey color. Guards, all of them. I didn’t know their names. They hadn’t been introduced to me when we met at my grandfather’s new home base, which incidentally happened to be next door to my house.

Maybe I should back up a little. My name is Maria Graziana Kelly, most people call me Grazi (grah-tzee). A few weeks ago I found out that I’m a Werewolf. Yup, that’s right. I tend to get furry around the full moon. Don’t believe me? Well, it only gets more fantastic from here.

You see, I’m bound by an ancient pact my ancestors made to serve with the Hounds of God. They’re like this mega Wolf pack who technically work for the Catholic Church. The Hounds have been fighting an age old battle against covens of Witches who want to claim dominion over the Earth for the Devil.

You heard me correctly. I mean the actual Devil, you know, Lucifer, the Father of Lies. Yup. That’s the one. You see, the Devil, is an actual being. Not some metaphor for evil. He is a fallen angel and his minions take many forms. The Hounds of God fight those minions. We are an ancient order dedicated to protecting humanity.

My father before me was a Hound. He and my mother died fighting this battle when I was about three years old. I keep a picture of them next to my bed.

I don’t remember that much about them, except for this recurring dream I have of my mom. Anyway, I was raised by my maternal grandmother, Nonna Rosa. Her son is my Uncle Vito. He and his family live with us too. Only Nonna knows the truth about me.

Hard to believe? You betcha. I didn’t really buy it either until last night when I got all furry and fangy and ripped the throat out of my high school librarian.

Of course, I only did that after she turned out to be possessed by a Wendigo. A ravenous Demon who was responsible for several local deaths including a student at my high school, Sacred Heart Prep.

Wendigo demons enter a human being and compel them to eat their victims. They actually crave human flesh. The more they consume, the deeper the craving. By the time we found out what she was there was nothing left of Ms. Vorax. Killing her was a mercy. That’s what Uncle Sean told me.

Scary, right? But they aren’t the only things out there. There’s much more that I have yet to learn.

This world is new to me. It is full of dark and dangerous things. And most of them seem to want me dead. I’m scared, I mean, I’m not crazy. But I have to survive.I just have to. To find out what really happened to my parents. And to avenge them.

It was that thought that kept me moving forward when I would so much rather go home and crawl into my bed. Read a book. Study something. That thought and the red Wolf by my side kept me moving forward. He was the one I knew wouldn’t leave me. My protector.

The eight of us came to a clearing in the woods. Ronan stayed by my side and I waited as Rolf continued in the lead. I had no problem keeping to the rear. It was his right. He was, after all, the Alpha. I watched as he stealthily crouched down. Everyone stopped and mimicked him. I did too. I could smell the small creatures we were stalking and my mouth filled with saliva. Ew.

Ronan had told me before we changed that we were going hunting. Still I didn’t know what to expect. I guess I never thought about it.

Rabbits. Six of them were tucked into a hole beneath the cold, dried up grass. I could hear their tiny hearts racing and it made me salivate more. Yuck.

I’d never eaten rabbit, but the beast in me could have devoured the lot whole. I shuddered. I am so not normal. I shook my head which earned me a stern look from Mr. I-like-to-show-off-my fangs.

Rolf signaled with a swish of his tail for the guards to come in closer. Another swish, his ears flattened against his head for a moment, and the hunt began. Rabbits darted in all directions, sensing our presence, and we chased them. I watched Uncle Sean shake his prize in his jaws until the tiny creature’s neck snapped.

He tore at the rabbit’s flesh with his razor sharp fangs. I could see steam rising form the warm body. Ew. Then I felt something strange. I let the small brown bunny I was stalking go and lifted my head towards the darkened sky. I had the strangest feeling. It was like something was watching me. Stalking me, the hunter. I didn’t like it.

While the other Wolves reveled in the game. I used the power bestowed on us by the full moon in a different way. I watched the woods. I tuned out the sounds of my companions. I focused my super sharp hearing on whatever else was out there.

I heard the soft wind and, nothing. I came up empty. That was so not normal. I certainly felt something. But there was nothing unusual that I could pick up by. Not by sound anyway. But I knew, I just knew there was something out there. I was sure, but no one else seemed to notice.

Our four guards were no longer guarding us. They were caught up in the thrill and satisfaction of the hunt. Ronan, Uncle Sean, and Rolf seemed intent on the game also. Not Me. No, I felt exposed. Threatened. Something was definitely not right. The surrounding woods should not be that quiet.

I scanned the tree line for something, anything that could explain what I was feeling. Rolf yipped at me. I made a move to join him, but stopped mid-step. I shook my head and backed up. Away from him and his power.

Werewolves can communicate, but it wasn’t like the way I had talked to Ronan before. It was more like images and impressions. I could tell he was not pleased by my behavior.

I felt Rolf trying to compel me. To bend me to his will. Hunt. Eat. Obey. I wanted too, I really did, but I forced myself to step back. Away from him and his commands. Not without struggle, mind you. But I managed it.

He bared his fangs, flattened his ears, and loosed a short growl. No. I would not challenge him. I dropped my eyes and took another backwards step.

He turned his back on me then. His attention back on his prey. A large brown rabbit. Yum. My Wolf wanted some of the succulent, juicy meat, but I was in control.

The feeling that I was being watched hit me stronger then. I sniffed the air. I smelled Wolf, rabbit blood, the cold forest, and something else. Something a little off.

I looked around me. Waves of color surrounded the Wolves. Mostly the same reds, oranges. They were stronger around Rolf and Sean. My Wolf eyes watched the shimmering colors for a moment.

I didn’t know what they meant. I looked at the trees and they too had their own colors. Shimmering greens and golds. It was strange and beautiful. Another advantage of my Wolf’s eyes? I could only assume so.

I walked slowly in a circle surrounding the others. The feeling was greater now. Someone or something was out there. I continued to look among the bare branches and frost covered bark of the surrounding trees. My body stopped moving the second I saw them. A pair of glowing eyes. The same set I thought I had imagined just last night from my bedroom window.

They held mine for a moment before disappearing. I took off at full speed heading for what, I did not know. Only Ronan seemed to notice. He yipped and followed me. I could feel his disapproval. He wanted to stay and enjoy his prize.

His Wolf belly grumbled loudly. Hungry again, for sure. I loosed a short howl and charged ahead confident he’d follow. I was glad to have him. I mean even after everything I had seen, who knew what waited for me in the darkness?

I stopped short in a small clearing. Ronan skidded to a stop directly behind me.

Someone’s here, Ronan.

What? Where?

Wait, is that you? Can you hear me like this too? It was like an open line of communication between my mind and Ronan’s had opened up. His thoughts voiced clearly in my mind and his impressions too. The foremost one was his desire to protect me. Always.

Yeah, Maria, I think I can. This is crazy. We should get back to the others.

Why? They won’t listen. Rolf won’t listen.

You’re right. Where are we going then?

I sniffed the air. I smelled forest, the cold, a faint whiff of a bear that must have passed within the last day or so, and Ronan, his Wolf musk pleasant to my sensitive nose. There was something else. It was mineral like. Iron or copper.

Do you smell that, Ronan? It’s blood.

Yes, I smell it. Let’s get back. Rolf is angry and he’s calling us, can you not feel him?

I can, but it’s faint. I can shake it off.

What do you mean shake it off? It’s deafening. ]

No, it’s more like a whisper now that we aren’t near him.

What are you, Maria Graziana?

I don’t understand.

I know you don’t. Let’s go. We will report what we have found.

The weight of my grandfather’s command was there, I could feel it, but it was like when someone was speaking to you while you’re underwater. Faint and unintelligible. Ronan’s struggle was more obvious. He fought with his instinct to obey his Alpha just to stay by my side. No one has ever done anything like that for me before.

Frustrated by our search we went back. We found nothing to explain our departure and disobedience. Only scents and impressions that had led us in circles. On top of that I was in pretty hot water with Rolf. Not just him, the rest of the pack were unhappy as well. I had spoiled the hunt and Rolf was angry. Werewolves get kind of touchy when you upset their Alpha. I learned this the hard way.

The run home wasn’t nearly as thrilling as when we set out. We made it back in a fragment of the time we took to get there. I guess when we left we took the scenic route. When we headed home, it was for a reason. Mostly so I could get yelled at, I guess.

The other Wolves ran back in the same positions. Careful to avoid me. I suppose I was to be ostracized until Rolf could punish me. Whatever. I could deal with that. Besides I had nowhere else to go.

There was no one else I could think of who could tell me about what I am. If I had to face the music I would. I mean it was never an issue with me before. I was hardly what you would call a troublemaker. But still, I found myself dreading the upcoming scene.

I waited for my grandfather in his study. I had finished my change before everyone else. Just another thing I did that was apparently weird. It usually took a Werewolf, especially a new Werewolf, some matter of time to change from one form to another. Typically twenty minutes or so. My change was fast. Five minutes or less.

I wore the clothes I had brought over earlier. Loose sweats and a cotton t-shirt. My skin was always very sensitive after changing back. I’d have liked a shower, but it would have taken a few more minutes before I could tolerate the sharp spray of water. I felt anxious as I paced the room. I just wanted to get this over with.

I walked around the large square study. There was old fashioned wood paneling on the walls, a beige ceiling, maroon carpet and rows of books stacked on polished shelves. I would have liked to explore them, but now wasn’t the time.

A large desk sat in the middle of the room. There were a variety of weather and crop reports for the United States, as well as, a Farmer’s Almanac carefully piled on one side. I skimmed over them. There was also a pretty cool looking laptop. It was password encrypted, so I couldn’t log on. Apparently my grandfather was an amateur meteorologist or something. Whatever makes you happy, I guess.

I looked at the computer again. Maybe I could guess the password? I shook my head and flung my long hair back over my shoulders. I’d never be able to lie about it if asked. Just another supernatural perk. Werewolves can tell when someone is lying. It’s in the person’s scent, posture, and the very timbre of his or her voice.

I had never been a good liar. I didn’t think I should practice now. I exhaled andtook a strand of my hair. It was soft and long. I played with the strands then twirled them around my finger. I did this sometimes when I was bored or impatient.

I felt something, some presence and turned to see Rolf enter the room. He was so quiet when he moved. Like a wolf stalking his prey. He wasn’t exactly surprised to see me there waiting, but I could tell he didn’t expect it. He raised one perfectly arched eyebrow and nodded his greeting.

“Ah, it’s true then. The boy told me you could change in just a few minutes.” His eyes narrowed as he looked me over. I shrugged and let go of my hair. I had only been waiting a short time, so he was pretty fast himself.

“You know, I’ve never been in this house before today. Nonna always said Mrs. Kelly wasn’t related to me.”

“Did she now? Hmm. Well that’s not entirely true though your grandmother wouldn’t have known it. Mrs. Kelly is my sister-in-law. She’s been watching you for signs of the change for years. The minute we had proof of it, she hopped a plane back home and reported her findings.” He sat down and looked directly at me. It was a little disconcerting. That unwavering steel gaze, but I managed to hold my own.

“So, you mean, she was my great aunt and never said hello to me? She never even answered the door on Halloween!” I was incredulous.

I pictured Mrs. Kelly, white hair in a severe bun, tall and thin. She dressed as severely as her hair. A pair of perfectly ironed slacks and a blouse and sweater every single day of the week. No jeans or house dresses. Not even on Saturdays. She used to peek at me from the curtains all the time. Nonna used to joke about it. She’d say Mrs. Kelly was trying to steal all of her best recipes.

It made sense now. She was spying. But not to get her hands on my grandmother’s Sunday sauce recipe. She was watching me.

I wondered what tipped her off that I was going to change. And why didn’t she ever talk to me? It stung a little. She had watched me for twelve years and she never bothered to introduce herself.

My grandfather’s pleasantly accented voice brought me back to the present. He sounded more like Uncle Sean than like Ronan. I guess the youngest member of our small pack, next to me that is, was hanging out with too many Americans. His accent wasn’t nearly as thick as the man sitting in front of me.

“Let’s cut to the chase, shall we?” I nodded and he continued.

“Grazi, I called you back to the clearing tonight. Several times. How is it you were able to defy me?” He leaned forward in his chair. He placed his hands on the huge mahogany desk and rapped his fingers against it in time with his last few words. Yup, he is definitely angry.

“Defy you? I didn’t defy you.”

“You didn’t obey my command.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t personal. There was something I thought I saw.” I heard shuffling behind me, it was the guards. Back in human form, they stood in the hallway. It didn’t matter though. Werewolf hearing penetrated doors and I could smell their discomfort. Ooops, sorry grandpa, guess no one speaks to you that way.

“And the smell of the game, did that not entice your Wolf?”

“Sure it did.”

“Hmm.” He grunted and leaned back in his chair.

“For a moment I thought you were challenging me.”

“Challenging you? I don’t understand.”

“I realized that. That’s why I turned my back on you. A Wolf doesn’t like to be challenged. But I am an old Alpha. I have learned to control my more basic instincts. Another would have seen your disobedience as a threat, Grazi. A challenge. You understand?” He spoke calmly to me. His skin was unlined, only the gray in his hair hinted at his age. Which I assumed to be sixty or so. Nonna was older and she looked it. An old Alpha, hmm. Curiosity got the better of me.

“How old are you?” His laughter was like a loud bark in the otherwise quiet room.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that was a rude question?” I waited, I assumed he’d answer in his own time. I wasn’t disappointed.

“I’m one hundred and seven years old.” My mouth fell open. I searched his face and body language for any sign he was lying to me. He wasn’t. He sat there an open book. To say I was stunned is an understatement. My mind raced in a thousand different directions. Questions, a geyser of them, poured into my head.

“How old do Werewolves get? Are we immortal?”

“We are not immortal. Werewolves die, as every living thing should. We are simply harder to kill.”

“But how old do we get?”

“I believe there was a Werewolf on record who lived to be five hundred and eight. Alas, he was killed in a battle whose name has long been forgotten. But he was the exception, rather than the rule.”

My mouth hung open. What was it Ronan had said? Werewolves didn’t age like regular people. Like normal people. How old was he then, fifty?

“Our aging slows down the older you get. There are no sixty year olds in the guise of a ten year old or anything like that. We are genetically different from regular humans and with scientific advances we have researched why we are the way we are. The best I can explain it to you is we are able to expel any matter of foulness from our bodies. Keeps us fit.” He patted his stomach and I could hear the echo. Clearly he was muscular and strong.

“So you mean things that make normal people age, like food additives andpollution, they don’t affect us?”

“Precisely. But, to say they are normal and we are not, isn’t accurate, Grazi. Consider us an evolutionary success story. The Almighty designed us for a purpose, to fight His wars and protect humankind. In doing so He made us strong. Able to ward off any number of diseases and illness, and also some curses and spells. You should know this already. I would have thought Sean was a better teacher.”

“Uncle Sean does just fine.” I don’t know why, but I didn’t like him putting down his son.

“Does he now? Have you memorized the Canon? Do you know the code of the Hounds? Child, do you even know where you come from? Who you are?”

“Are you going to take over my education? Tell me what it is to be a Werewolf and what my place is in all of this, grandpa?” My eyes narrowed. He laughed at me. Loudly. Jerk.

“Alas, my granddaughter, there is much I have to oversee. And we have gotten off the subject.”

“Which is?”

“Which is Witches to be exact.” He stared at me and I cocked my head in deference to him. He nodded. Approval. Cool. Then he began again.

“We haven’t seen this kind of activity from the Witches in almost fifty years. The extreme weather, the killings, they are preparing something big. Of that you can be sure.”

“What do you mean the weather?”

“Why, Witches will doom crops, summon storms, droughts, floods, fires, ice. Wreak all kinds of havoc with the weather. You can put the blame on them for your unbearably hot summer and the sudden freezing temperatures. They thrive on discord and chaos. I’ll admit we were surprised that they chose to congregate here, in the U.S. It must be you who draws them here.”

“Me? How?”

“You are an important player, Grazi. I’m not a hundred percent sure what your part is, but I mean to find out. Now, you stopped the Wendigo demon from ravaging this land, but who is to say it will end there? More will undoubtedly come. You must prepare. Your uncle will remain in charge of your learning.” He began moving the papers on his desk into a neat pile.

“But no more Church basements. He will live here with the Madden pup and I will leave two of my personal guard with you. Sascha and Dimitri Volkov. You are to do what Sean says in my stead, understand?”

I was distracted by the thought of Ronan as a puppy. Aww. But I quickly gained control of my thoughts. I was relieved that Uncle Sean would be staying.

I nodded my head. I didn’t fear Rolf the way the others did, but I could see the hardness inside of him. Maybe that’s what happens when you murder your son.Anger seeped into my veins and I had to bite my tongue to keep from growling. He was looking at his charts and didn’t seem to notice.

“There are a lot of questions in you. Ask some now.” Okay then, I guess he did notice.

“Fine. I want to know about my father.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I’ll not speak of Patrick. Ask something else. You’ll not have this chance again for some months so bite back your anger, girl.”

“Fine. If this is all real, we’re Werewolves, there are bad Witches in the world, and so on, what else is there? How do I tell what else is real? How do I know what to believe? All my life I’ve been raised to follow the Catholic Church, but Werewolves and Witches were never a part of my education. They were never even in the realm of possibility. Am I wrong to still have faith? To believe in God?”

“Hmm. You surprise me, child. You show maturity and intelligence with these questions I had not expected in a modern day teenager. The only way I know to answer you is this. Faith is a necessary part of existence. It’s what makes us human. Faith, hope, belief.”

“But then why do so many people believe so many different things if our God is the real one?”

“I know you have been taught that, but the world is such a big place, Grazi. It is filled with so many different people. And we are all God’s children, aren’t we?”

“So what like, Muslims, Sikhs, Jews, Buddhists, Christians, Atheists are all God’s children? But they all think they are the right ones. Who is?”

“I’m a soldier, Grazi, and that is a question for priests.”

“A soldier? I thought you were the General.”

“General, eh? I like that. At any rate, I’ve always thought of it like this, all religions are God’s religions. He made us all and that means the ideologies that humankind has developed to explain the universe were also His design. I have never blamed or faulted others our difference in religions. To me it has always comes down to faith and expression of that faith.”

“So, you’re not just a General. You’re a philosopher too.”

“Hmm, perhaps, granddaughter, but that’s just the Irish in me.”

“But the Hounds are Catholic, right?”

“It is true, we do work for the Catholic Church. That was where the original pact with the Hounds was inked and signed with the blood of your forefathers. That is who the Hounds answer to. But if all churches closed their doors tomorrow, what then? Would we quit or give up?”

“I don’t know. Would we?”

“Never. Because God is everywhere. He is everything, He is called by many names, and no one Church or doctrine could possibly claim ownership over Him. At least not to me anyway.”

“I would’ve expected something else from you. Something more like, only the Roman Catholic Church is right, type stuff. Very modern of you, Grandpa.”

“Modern? Who, me? Nah, it isn’t modern at all. Tolerance, forgiveness and acceptance was Jesus’ way. And that was over 2,000 years ago.”

“Before your time, huh?”

“Yes, smarty pants, way before my time. Heed me now, garinion, never under any circumstances should you think yourself a failure if doubt creeps in. Tis natural.”

“But what should I do when I, you know, have doubts?”

“First, look to your pack. That is what they are for, to support one another. Second, have faith, Grazi. As mortal beings it is quite possibly the most important aspect of who we are. And faith is not defined by religious sect. It is defined by our very souls.”

Packs, faith, souls, religion...pretty heavy stuff considering I hadn’t slept yet. I stared at the patterns the sun made as it shined through the lace curtains on the carpeted floor. I could see the dust motes in the air. I breathed deeply, inhaling the lemon furniture polish as it grew stronger under the sun’s warming rays.

The entire night had passed already. How could I not have noticed? We must have run for hours, but to my Wolf it could have been minutes. My stomach grumbled. I was starving. I’m such a freak. How could I be thinking of food now?

“Go on now, have breakfast with your pack. And remember, Grazi, I’ll be watching you.” He turned in his chair, dismissing me as it were. I nodded and left the room. That was the last conversation we would have before he left the country. I thought we would have talked again, but he was gone within minutes.

I remained unaware of his departure as I entered the spacious kitchen. A long champagne colored marble counter was filled with antique looking chafing dishes piled high with food. My stomach grumbled again, louder.

Ronan was sitting there. He looked freshly showered with two huge plates in front of him. One was full of eggs another with a mix of pancakes, sausage, and crispy bacon.

He had a scruffy shadow of a beard and his hair hung down in careless waves. It was a shiny and thick, dark red with streaks of strawberry blonde. My mouth salivated. I hoped to God it was for the food.

I followed his lead, filling my plate with perfectly scrambled eggs, a chocolate chip pumpkin pancake, and a scoop of homemade strawberry yogurt that I topped off with pecan granola. Next I poured a mug of steaming hot chocolate from a silver pot. The dark rich chocolate permeated my senses, I added a dollop of freshly whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon to the top. Yum.

Ronan smiled in between mouthfuls of eggs then drank greedily from a tall glass of iced water. I sat next to him and our elbows grazed each other. A jolt went through me which I ignored. He looked up and wiped his mouth on a napkin.

I met his eyes for a moment. Then I took a sip from my mug without spilling anything. That was a miracle in and of itself.

There was so much emotion in his eyes I had to look down. I wasn’t quite ready to admit to myself what was in them. I couldn’t bring myself to meet them again either.

I looked at my mug instead. The picture made me choke a little on the warm liquid. On it was a fluffy grey kitten with its mouth wide open. Above that it said “What do you mean we’re getting a dog?” Funny. I wouldn’t have expected it amongst all of the formal china and silverware we were using.

When I looked up Ronan was looking over my shoulder. He was so close I could see that stray freckle of his. He was reading the caption on the mug. He smiled and I almost dropped it. I must be really tired. Sure it had nothing to do with the guy sitting next to me. Uh huh. Right.

We were all alone in the kitchen. Just Ronan and me. The two of us. Cozy. He righted himself in his seat and poured more water from a glass pitcher into his cup.

“So, how’d it go? You know, with him.” He cleared his pile of eggs and moved on to the pancakes and sausage. His were banana. Mmm.

“Fine, I guess. He’s leaving Uncle Sean in charge of my training.”

“That’s good then. I like Sean, I mean, Fr. Gallagher.”

“Yeah, me too. I was wondering, um, why are you staying though?”

“Want to get rid of me then, do you?” He said and took another bite of his pancakes.

“No, I didn’t mean that.” My cheeks were hot. Great.

“Just fooling you. Anyways, I guess I’m still learning too.”

“It’s not because of that contract you mentioned once upon a time?” He looked hunted for a moment then cocked his head to the side and grinned.

“Nah. That was nothing. I’ve just grown used to your American food. Don’t think I can go home just yet.”

I nodded my head and continued to eat in silence. I had no idea what else to say to him. I am such a dork.

The two giants Rolf would be leaving behind came in smelling of soap and shaving cream. They filled their plates with enough food to feed a small country then took seats next to us.

“Hi, I’m Grazi.”

“Dimitri, this is Sascha.” The one with the dark blonde hair spoke as the brown haired one shoveled food into his mouth and grunted a greeting. They looked like professional wrestlers.

Like the MMA guys Nonna watches on television. At least six foot five inches tall and over two hundred and fifty pounds of muscle each. Sitting next to them Ronan looked slender though he was comparable in height. I think he might have gotten taller after our run. Weird. We reloaded our plates a second time and finished eating in silence.

“Look Ronan, something is strange that’s all I’m saying.”

“Well, what do you expect? The man is Alpha of Greyback Pack and Commander of the Hounds of God. Only the most vast and powerful reachingWerewolf organization in the world! You want him to just hang around all day discussing the weather?” Ronan said as he walked me back over to my yard.

The sun was melting some of the frost, but I knew it would freeze again the minute a cloud passed over. The change in the weather was dramatic. Winter in Northern New Jersey could be brutal. Our little suburb was no exception, but to be honest I wasn’t ready for it yet. I mean one minute I’m wearing shorts and tank tops the next I’m digging in the attic for my winter clothes. Smh.

“Yeah well, the weather was actually one of our topics. I just don’t see how I can be so important if he left already. And why didn’t he just tell me what is going on?”

“I don’t know. But maybe we’re not supposed to question, maybe we are just supposed to do. I’ll see you at Church tomorrow.” His hand lingered on my shoulder a moment then he left.

I went inside. The familiar smells of my house greeted me. Herbs, cleaning supplies, fresh flowers, and the beginnings of chicken soup. Mmm.

The long night was catching up with me. I felt a little bit tired, but in a good way. Like after I had a really good run. Now that my stomach was full I could probably nap for a little while. I passed by Nonna in the living room on my way to the stairs. She was asleep on the couch, her rosary in her hand. I wished I was still small enough to crawl in next to her and cuddle, but those days were seriously over. I had to be a good foot taller than her already and I was still growing.

I covered her with a soft pink chenille throw and turned down the volume on the television set. She loved the Hallmark Channel, especially on the weekends. Today was a marathon of Murder, She Wrote. I used to watch those with her when I was little. So I like a good, clean mystery, sue me.

On my way up to my room I passed by Julianna’s and Rebecca’s door. It was wide open, which was unusual. I could smell the heavy flower perfume my cousin soaked herself in and had to stop myself from gagging. My eyes got teary as I took another step.

Yuck. I really hate flowery perfume. Why call something Kissed by a Sunflowerand then have it smell nothing like a sunflower? Some pop band was blaring from Julianna’s iPod, but I could still make out her voice.

“Well, I wouldn’t compare us to you and Tyler! No way, Liz, you guys were in another category, but I will say this, the boy can certainly kiss…Yes, his body is as hard as it looks. I know, right! Jeez, Lizette I’m not about to tell you. Ha, you bet, we would’ve stayed out all night too…No way, did she really take that stuff? I guess I’m willing to try it next time, but only with him…”

I quickly went to my room. The Harvest dance had been Friday night and Ronan had been Julianna’s date. He must have gone back to the dance after the fight with the Wendigo. After I went home.

Did they kiss? I felt betrayed and hurt and maybe a little jealous. Okay, a lot jealous. It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t dating him. I was sort of dating Sebby. I had no exclusive rights to Ronan. He could kiss anyone he wanted. My Wolf snarled at the thought.

I made up my bed with quick deft motions. I walked around my room and picked up my sneakers and some dirty clothes I had left carelessly on the floor.Stupid, Grazi, this is stupid. I had to get my emotions under control. I turned around and opened my window all the way.

A breeze blew in immediately and lifted my curtains in a wild dance around me.It was chilly, but my blood seemed to run hotter nowadays. I hardly felt the cold right then. Besides, I needed to change the air. I was sensitive to stale air, always had been. Even before I knew what I was.

I needed to relax. Unwind a little. I couldn’t think about Sebby and what I was supposed to feel for him or Ronan and what I was currently feeling for him. Whatever that was. Ugh.

I took out a large white, leather bound book from my bedside table. My mother’s diary. Nonna had given it to me the day of the dance. I hadn’t had a chance to really look at it. The battle with the Wendigo and the hunt last night left me pretty much booked. This was the first moment I had to myself all weekend.

I plopped down on my bed and arranged the pillows just the way I liked them when I was about to get into a really good read. I may have mentioned before I’m a bit of a geek. But no worries, geek is the new chic. That’s what Angela says anyway.

There was no need for me to turn on the lamp. I could see very well especially with the morning light coming from the window. I turned the pages till I got to her first entry. Before I looked down I took a deep cleansing breath. This was my mother’s diary. The enormity of what I held in my hands hit me.

Did I really want to get inside her head? To know what she felt and thought? What if it wasn’t good?

I pushed all my doubts aside. Sure I was scared, but I needed to know her. To get close to her. This was my best bet. On the first page her name was written in beautiful script. Something I could never imitate. Chicken scratch. That’s what my teacher’s called my penmanship. Oh well, can’t be good at everything I guess.

I traced her name with my finger. Lilliana Maria DiPaolo. Then I continued to read her careful script.

Thanks mommy and daddy for this. I’ve wanted a diary for so long to tell all my deepest darkest secrets too. This is just perfect! Well, here goes.

High school is pretty fun. I have great friends and I like most of my classes. Except Geometry. Like, what do I even need that for? Anyway, I haven’t found anyone to fall in love with though and that is what I want the most.

Everyone just seems so ordinary. So dull. Same old boys playing the same old stupid tricks they did when we were in grammar school. I want adventure, excitement, romance. Maybe I’ll have better luck tomorrow. I know it’s uncool for me to want love, everyone else wants to be a doctor or a judge or something, but I want my prince to find me. I want to dance barefoot in the moonlight. I want to kiss a boy so hard my soul will fall into him and his in mine. Like Jane Eyre!

Hmm, so Mom was a romantic. I guess a lot of girls my age are. She was beautiful though and smart so maybe it was easier for her to picture herself in love. I never pictured myself in love or being loved by someone.

It was hard for me to imagine trusting someone that much. Maybe I’m broken or something. I shook my head. Dwelling on my many flaws was not going to help me, so I continued reading.

New boy at school today. He’s an exchange student from someplace called Coalisland in County Tyrone, Ireland. He sounds like a movie star with his accent and he has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. If eyes are the windows to the soul then his must be beautiful. I think I found him. My prince. Patrick Michael Kelly…oooh, Lilliana Kelly. I like it.

Love at first sight. I had no idea. I looked at the dates and figured she was just a year older than me when she first laid eyes on him, so that would make her a junior. I put the book down and closed my eyes. I wanted to remember them. My parents.

I tried to picture my clearest memory of them, but it was hazy. A family dinner. My father had picked me up and placed me on his lap while my mother made our plates. Fettucini Alfredo. One of my favorites. I could smell the freshly grated cheese still. She made the best Alfredo sauce. Zucchini sautéed in olive oil accompanied the dish. Nonna still made that some nights and it was awesome. My stomach was full to bursting, but still I wished I had a bowl.

I stared at my ceiling, willing myself to remember the way we used to be. Me, my mom and dad. A family. Nothing against Nonna. She’s been wonderful to me and all the family I have ever needed. Only, well, after Uncle Vito and Aunt Theresa moved in with my cousins it was like my loneliness was magnified. They had a way of setting themselves apart from me.

The shopping, salon trips, vacations, dinners or movie nights just for them. I was nine and Julianna was about ten the first time she told me I wasn’t a part of her real family. It didn’t hurt me now, but I sometimes wanted to cry for the child I was. Awkward with my big feet and long braids and so very lonely for a friend. I guess in some ways I’m still that little girl.

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